Sick kids must be going around. Cole had a fever yesterday afternoon but woke up fine this morning. I sent him to school but did ask his teacher to keep an eye on him. I got a call from Glenn at noon that they were trying to reach me - his fever is back. He has a good appetite but a fever, headache, and throat hurts. I hate it when my kids are sick, makes me feel very helpless. He has had a history of Strep Throat so I think we will just check in at the doctor today. He is very bummed not to be able to go to the Hallelujah Party at church. He was going to be a football player! Very sad about that but not so much about missing school (ha, ha)!

Breakfast woes

Have you ever had a morning, where you just can't seem to do anything right in your child's eyes? I had such morning as this today. I guess my expectations and his were a lot different. I suggested last evening that one day a week we all take turns making breakfast. I was thinking the responsiblity would be good for both of them. I thought I would help them make what ever they decided but they would have to plan the menu. Well, he was up early and then things preceeded to go down hill. I made coffee and he was mad at that. He wanted to make it before Glenn was up but I said that I would help him after my devotions, that was not good enough. What he said that he wanted to make last night -- was not what he wanted to make today and I did not have in the house what he wanted to make. Everything was wrong. I guess I should have planned this out a little more and actually start next week :( Life is just not simple sometimes! Oh, the life of a mom.
I wonder if I ever do that to God? When He calls me to do something to I throw fits if things just are not my way? If God has something set up ahead of time, do I complain because it's not the way I had pictured? Boy, God I am sorry for the things that I make it! Thanks for the reminder.... even if it had to be a breakfast meltdown.

Feelings stir when -

• you are completing your Bible Study that was started a couple months ago, wondering if the ladies will return to study another or will they say no
• your son struggles with homework and you don't know what to do to help
• when someone you love has to go to the doctor - what kind of news will you hear?
• when you clean your house but it doesn't look much different than when you started
• you would like to plan something fun but other things that are more pressing get in the way.

Feelings - the good, the bad and the ugly. Is there a movie or a book about that? There should be. These are the times when you rely on your God to get you through. What do people do when they don't have God to help them, heal them or support them? I bet they are feel pretty helpless. Glad I have my God!

Snazzy

Hey if you haven't heard the new CD by the Go Fish Guys, you have to! There are alot of great songs on the CD - Cole is singing them now and the CD is not even playing! It is a great CD and it's in stores now! I could do an advertisement for them! I really like the Mom Song, Hit the Drum, and Superhero but I also like American Kid and Jammies too. Well the CD is called SNAZZY and it's great!

Isaiah 43:10

"But you are my witnesses, O Isreal!" says the LORD. "And you are my servant. You have been chosen to know me, believe me, and understand that I alone am God. There is no other God; there never has been and never will be." Is 43:10

If you have studied Beth Moore's Believing God, this passage is familiar to you. I love this verse. I know that I have been chosen but sometimes I forget what I am chosen for. To know God...to Believe God...and understand that God alone is God! So in other words...

"But you are my witnesses,(my evidence) O Isreal!" says the LORD. "And you are my servant (worshipper of God). You have been chosen to know me(to recognize me, admit what I am doing, acknowledge me and confess it is me), believe me( to support or confirm me, to be faithful to me) and understand( to discern, understand and have insight) that I alone am God (I AM). There is no other God; there never has been and never will be."

Have a Great day!

Vague Answers

Have you ever really wanted to do something and you just don't know if your husband wants it? You've asked him and he is like, "Sure." So is that a "sure" I want you to go and have a good time or is it a "sure" you can go but I'd rather have you here with me?
But I realized now I really haven't gone to prayer about it. So maybe that's what's holding me back! Have I really committed it to prayer and sought out the Lord's advice? I guess not. So that's what I am going to do. Not stress over it, because that does no good but to let God be my guide. (and ask for a tiny bit of sunshine!) (Lord, I need a little after all the rain - thank you for the rain, but can we have a little sunshine, too?)

Empathy, Consequences and Fun!

So the two premises of Love and Logic are:

1. Kids crave the limits they argue about
2. Kids make good decisions by making lots of bad decisions - the road to wisdom is paved with lots of little mistakes

Empathy is the most important and then the consequence. Because empathy focuses on the child's action rather than the parents anger. It is also contagious because every time we use empathy we teach it.

Love and Logic rules:

1. Adult provides limits in a loving way -- there is a leadership vacuum, someone has to take the control and if the parent does not the kid does.
2. When kids cause a problem you hand it back in a loving way. Culture says that problems should be handed to someone else.

Isn't that the case! My kids are always trying to give me a problem and the trouble is sometimes I fall for it and take on their problem. Like if they are fighting, I will step in and handle it but I should be allowing them to deal with it and find a solution. So if siblings argue, Dr. Charles Fay says:

1. Stay out of the problem whenever possible.

• Don't figure out who started and make them say they are sorry
• Don't figure out who started being the bully and punish, because neither role-bully or victim is a healthy role
• Don't tell kids by getting involved that arguing is a good way to change the color of your face.

2. Say, "Looks like you guys have a problem you need to solve."

• Really saying,"You can solve this problem in any way that does not cause a problem for anyone else, I want to help , I'll be happy to share some ideas, when your voice is as calm as mine and one person talks at a time."

3. Ask them one more time to solve problem or go separate ways--say, "Well guys, what did I say?"

• or "Are you guys going to calm down or take it to separate spots?"

4. If it causes a problem for you let empathy and consequences to the teaching.

• "Oh, this is such an energy drain"
• or "Guys, this is so sad, Do you know when you fight and bicker it drains my energy?
• 2nd step - "How will you put energy back in me?"
• 3rd step - "Some kids - take all their toys and put them in the front yard and have a yard sale to pay for their babysitter so mom and dad can go out on a date - to get their energy back. How would that work out? or Some kids will dust the living room or clean toilets, how would that work for you? or Some kids will stay home from the soccer game so their mom and dad can rest up and gain back their energy."
• 4th step - If they ignore you - they are gone to school and come home they find their Nintendo gone - Mom says, "Oh this is so sad, but I learned that when I donate stuff to church that it really charges me up."
• or A babysitter comes. "Guys this is Mabel, She is going to watch you while mom and dad go out to restore their energy, and you can talk to her about how you would like to pay her, she does take toys as payment. Love ya. See ya later."

Now there must be empathy in there or it becomes a threat or a punishment. I was using what I thought was a consequence but it was a threat. - Grant said he does not want to go to school. I would say, "OK, You will have to pay for your babysitter." But I should have said, " Oh that's interesting. How will that work out for you? How are you going to pay for your babysitter?" See the difference between a threat and a consequence. There can be a fine line.

I was also saying if my sons acted up, Oh you need to go to bed 5 minutes early. But I should have been saying, " Oh this is so sad, when you yell about little things it show me you are tired, so we will get you to bed 5 min early. " The first is a punishment and the second is a consequence.

Parenting is the toughest job that we can ever have. I truly believe if we have the right tools that it can become easier and even fun! I again got this information from the Love and Logic Training that I went to, but for more information from the authors you can visit their website listed in my favorites.

I Argue 6 AM on Saturdays

I mentioned earlier that I would talk about some of the stuff I learned at the Love and Logic facilitators class. This is more so that I don't forget what I learned and to get it embedded in my mind. But any one that has kids can use this technique. It is called Neutralizing Arguing. How many people get into unwinnable arguments or have kids that whine, beg, or argue? Can anyone say they do not have at least one child who does this? Or how many times do we try to match wits with our kids and end up saying stuff our moms or dads said:
How many times do I have to tell you? or
Money does not grow on trees.... or
--- I mean it! or
If I told you once, I've told you a thousand times....

So the first step to this technique is "Go Brain Dead!" - Do NOT Think -
2nd step is to pick one statement and say it over and over when the child starts to argue.
Statements such as "Love you too much to argue"
"I know"
" Nice try"
Now you do not want to use these with sarcasm. They are not designed to get even, to make the kids feel bad(sometimes they will feel bad but not designed to). They are designed to set limits -saying - I love you enough -- I love you too much to argue. Because anger and frustration feed misbehavior.
So how does this work: Here is an example from the book, Love and Logic Magic When Kids Leave you Speechless by Jim Fay and Charles Fay, Ph.D:
Child: It's just not fair that I can't go to the party
Parent: (In a soft tone of voice.) I know. (Brain Dead response followed by silence.)
C: But all the other kids are going.
P: (Still in a soft voice.) I know
C: I'm the only one who isn't going to be there.
P: I know.
C: you are ruining my social life.
P: (With gentle firmness) I know. You can tell them it's my fault if it will help.
C: Well it is your fault.
P: I know.
C: Everyone will think I'm a dork.
P: I know.
C: You don't love me. (Turning up the heat.)
P: (Silence)
C: You're mean, I hate you!
P: I know.
C: That's all you ever say!
P: I know. I love you too much to argue.
Love and Logic Magic When Kids Leave you Speechless, Jim Fay and Charles Fay, PhD. pg 3

It does work for little kids too. When you are in a store and they want something and are begging for it! or at home and are whining. Sometimes for older kids and for your remembering you can hang a sign "I argue 6am on Saturdays".
This has made a huge difference at my house and I "knew" it before but it was just so good to have that emphasized and pressed upon me again. I have an expert "arguer," he is 8 years old, and I have been falling into his trap! But I can handle it with my new technique - at least I get lots of practice!

YouTube - The Mom Song Sung to William Tell Overture with Lyrics

YouTube - The Mom Song Sung to William Tell Overture with Lyrics

This is a great "mom" song!

Flying away

Hey, I've been away for awhile! And I seriously mean away! I was flew to Denver last week and attended a Love and Logic Conference for facilitators. It was wonderful. I was able to speak personally with Jim Fay, Charles Fay and Foster Cline. I knew the concepts from reading their books and watching their videos but wow, when you see them in person it just all comes together!
I was very nervous to go - I would be sharing a room with someone that I did not know, I would be flying without my family, I would be going after Glenn would be in Des Moines for 3 days prior and I would not see him for 6 days, and the kids were off of school while I would be gone on Thurs and Friday for a teachers conference. But on the other hand this was a once in a lifetime opportunity that was paid for through a grant! So it was set and I was praying that things would go smoothly and that my roommate would be nice and we would have something in common. I set up that we would leave at 10:30 on Wed morning for a 2:30 flight. Tues. night I talk with Glenn and he does not think that there is enough time to get to Omaha and on the flight, but I felt stuck - what was I going to do? Laying in bed that night I decided to register online for my flight- at least I would have that done. Well, I couldn't, because I did not book the flight, I did not have the confirmation number. I thought - well I will see if the flight is on time. I look on the Internet - there is no flight leaving at 2:30! I thought - well maybe it's just not showing because the flight is full. I call the number and get an automated answering service. There is no 2:30 flight. By this time it's 11:00pm and there is not much I can do but pray and go to bed. I was up at 6:00 - by 6:30 I call Glenn and ask what he thinks that I should do. He suggests to try to call the airline and get a real person and ask about the flight. I called and we are actually on a flight at 1:50. So I call the gal that I am picking up and she is glad that I called because that sort of changed the morning. I called another gal that was to be on that flight too and woke her up and she was glad to be called too. I picked up the gal at 9:00am, my roommate, and we have so much in common that it was amazing! God is too good! The flight went well after we waited in the plane for an hour to take off because the lock on the door to the cockpit would not work. Since 9/11 they need to have that locked before they can take off.
The conference was amazing. Just to meet the authors of the concept in person was worth it. Love and Logic teaches that parents, and teachers can set limits in loving ways with empathy and consequences. I have a link on my blog that will lead you to their website. Love and Logic:
It teaches that anger and frustration feed misbehavior.
Kids crave the limits they argue about
Kids make good decisions by making lots of bad decisions - the road to wisdom is
paved with lots of little mistakes.
I will write more about that later. There are so many cool things that I want to write it down so that I remember!
God is good because we made it home and I have a new friend. I am more equipped to teach my classes. I am excited about parenting again. I am refreshed and ready to take on the task again.