I Argue 6 AM on Saturdays

I mentioned earlier that I would talk about some of the stuff I learned at the Love and Logic facilitators class. This is more so that I don't forget what I learned and to get it embedded in my mind. But any one that has kids can use this technique. It is called Neutralizing Arguing. How many people get into unwinnable arguments or have kids that whine, beg, or argue? Can anyone say they do not have at least one child who does this? Or how many times do we try to match wits with our kids and end up saying stuff our moms or dads said:
How many times do I have to tell you? or
Money does not grow on trees.... or
--- I mean it! or
If I told you once, I've told you a thousand times....

So the first step to this technique is "Go Brain Dead!" - Do NOT Think -
2nd step is to pick one statement and say it over and over when the child starts to argue.
Statements such as "Love you too much to argue"
"I know"
" Nice try"
Now you do not want to use these with sarcasm. They are not designed to get even, to make the kids feel bad(sometimes they will feel bad but not designed to). They are designed to set limits -saying - I love you enough -- I love you too much to argue. Because anger and frustration feed misbehavior.
So how does this work: Here is an example from the book, Love and Logic Magic When Kids Leave you Speechless by Jim Fay and Charles Fay, Ph.D:
Child: It's just not fair that I can't go to the party
Parent: (In a soft tone of voice.) I know. (Brain Dead response followed by silence.)
C: But all the other kids are going.
P: (Still in a soft voice.) I know
C: I'm the only one who isn't going to be there.
P: I know.
C: you are ruining my social life.
P: (With gentle firmness) I know. You can tell them it's my fault if it will help.
C: Well it is your fault.
P: I know.
C: Everyone will think I'm a dork.
P: I know.
C: You don't love me. (Turning up the heat.)
P: (Silence)
C: You're mean, I hate you!
P: I know.
C: That's all you ever say!
P: I know. I love you too much to argue.
Love and Logic Magic When Kids Leave you Speechless, Jim Fay and Charles Fay, PhD. pg 3

It does work for little kids too. When you are in a store and they want something and are begging for it! or at home and are whining. Sometimes for older kids and for your remembering you can hang a sign "I argue 6am on Saturdays".
This has made a huge difference at my house and I "knew" it before but it was just so good to have that emphasized and pressed upon me again. I have an expert "arguer," he is 8 years old, and I have been falling into his trap! But I can handle it with my new technique - at least I get lots of practice!